


Gwen Stacy's Lament

by gottagofast



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, not as meta as it couldve been, superhero girlfriends make me bitter, the amazing spiderman movie-verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:14:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottagofast/pseuds/gottagofast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you wish you could be his and whole at the same time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Two paths diverge in a wood and you wish more than anything that they didn't have to, that you could be his and whole at the same time, but he wont let you. And you can't breathe right anymore and you're sure it's because of something he did when he curled up inside you and settled down there. It must be something to do with the way neither of you can leave you alone anymore. You always feel like screaming but you don't and you don't think about it too hard because you would see in the wood grain in the seams of the thing that there is no good reason you should not always be screaming.

I will tell you what it is like being a superheroes girlfriend.

It is a neverending list of boxes to tick off, it is your fathers old police radio on your shelf, always turned on. It is hesitating when he reminds you to lock your door at night because you aren't sure whether tonight will be the night he slumps in through your window bloody and full of lead, full of glass, full of resentment he wont talk about, least of all with you. You, always ground zero and him pretending he is not in orbit circling back around one more time to look at you before he goes, forever.

It is always being to good for him and never enough.

That is what it is like. It is always coming up one handful short.

You see, sacrifice is an exercise in determining how little you can live on before you can't and you've discovered, before you know it, you can wean yourself down to nothing and just keep going because maybe he will show up tonight half torn out of his spandex and delirious; in his eyes lights still flashing, until you are alone together and it is terribly terribly dark. That feeling of his mouth on yours, your eyes open in the dark and catching on nothing makes your stomach growl. And then he is gone before you wake up on the floor where you fell asleep together and thank god his absence means hes still alive, and if nothing that is what you live off of.

You live on his absence and the holes shaped like bullets he leaves in the heart in your chest, still beating and always bleeding out.

You live so long on nothing that you start to think that is what love is and then when he does his best to start giving, leaving you presents on your doorstep, locking your windows when he leaves at night, you want to love this something full, but it is still him, turning himself inside out with more sacrifice always, and you, on the altar. You don't recognize the people you work with anymore and you think this is it.

Escape isn't easy with everyone elses hands shackled around your ankles, rooting you here in the heart of a city that is draining you both dry. He makes you look him in the eyes.

\- _spitting in the face of my ground rules_ -

and then you're shouting and watching him die and come back to life and die and suck in a shuddering breath and you sigh in relief. Here it is, that friend you missed, the one who starved you to keep you awake.

And then he watches you die and you stay dead, because being too good for this world goes just like that.


	2. dont let your heart come bounding back

You aren't worried about leaving him alone. There is always another girl waiting in the wings, always another willowy maypole to dance around, another touchstone to press your face to and breathe while it is still quiet.

They just aren't you. You sink back down into the earth with relief. The dead don't feel guilt.

**Author's Note:**

> he TRIED TO FOLLOW HER
> 
> i am so sad


End file.
